We live in the most connected era in history. At any given moment, we can check in on friends, message family, or scroll through endless updates from people we haven’t spoken to in years. And yet, despite all this digital connection, loneliness is at an all-time high. Especially in midlife. It’s the paradox of our time: social media and loneliness now seem to go hand in hand.
Midlife is already a season where relationships start to shift – kids grow up, parents age, friendships get a little fuzzier around the edges. We’re often juggling a full plate of responsibilities while quietly wondering, “Where did my people go?” Social media promises connection, but it often delivers empty noise – loud, persistent, and oddly hollow. It fills the space without feeding the soul. And more and more, we’re seeing the link between social media and loneliness becoming harder to ignore.
The highlight reel vs. reality
Social media is a stage, and we’re all performing. We curate, we filter, we post only the best angles of our lives. And while there’s nothing wrong with sharing our highlights, the problem arises when we start believing that everyone else’s life is actually that flawless. It can make our own struggles feel heavier, our wins feel smaller, and our connections feel like shallow puddles instead of deep rivers.
At midlife, this hits differently. While we’re navigating career pivots, hormone chaos, or just trying to keep the dog hair off our yoga pants, we’re bombarded by posts about glowing skin, perfect couples’ holidays, and teens who voluntarily do the dishes (fictional creatures, surely). It’s easy to spiral into Why am I the only one who feels like a hot mess?
The like button is not a hug
Sure, likes and heart emojis can give us a quick hit of dopamine, but let’s not confuse that with emotional nourishment. A “U look amazing!” comment isn’t the same as a real friend who notices your silence and checks in. A DM doesn’t hold a candle to a belly laugh across a café table.
At this stage of life, we don’t just want small talk and surface-level validation. We want to be seen. We want to feel like we matter – not to an algorithm, but to actual people. Digital praise might give us a boost, but it won’t hold us when things fall apart.
The illusion of friendship
Here’s a tough truth: scrolling through someone’s stories doesn’t mean you know how they’re really doing. We confuse updates for intimacy and familiarity for friendship. Knowing someone’s coffee order isn’t the same as knowing their heartbreak.
In midlife, we often pull back from friendships out of exhaustion, busyness, or just plain emotional overwhelm. And because social media fills the silence, we don’t always notice how disconnected we’ve become – until we hit a rough patch and realise we’ve got followers but no one to call.
Doomscrolling and disconnection
We’ve all done it – the numbing scroll before bed, the mindless refresh during meetings, the hours lost to reels of strangers making sourdough. We use social media to escape feelings we don’t want to face: boredom, sadness, envy, loneliness.
But here’s the kicker – the more we scroll, the more we reinforce our disconnection. It becomes a cycle of distraction, comparison, and emotional avoidance. And while it might feel like a harmless habit, over time it chips away at the kind of rich, messy, beautiful relationships that make life feel full. Another cost of the dance between social media and loneliness.
So, what can we do?
If social media isn’t going anywhere (and let’s be honest, it’s not), how do we reclaim real connection in the middle of the noise?
- Audit your time: Is your scroll supporting your soul, or numbing it?
- Engage meaningfully: Comment with actual thoughts. Send the message. Pick up the phone. Be real.
- Prioritise offline connection: Book that coffee. Go for that walk. Write that “just because” card.
- Take breaks: Not everything needs to be shared. Rest your eyes. Be where your feet are.
- Be brave enough to admit you’re lonely: There’s no shame in it. In fact, naming it might just help someone else feel less alone too.
Connection over consumption
Social media isn’t all bad. It’s brought us memes, dog videos, and that one aunt who comments “BEAUTIFUL” on every single photo. But it’s not a replacement for real, human, soul-deep connection.
In midlife, when so much is shifting and time feels more precious than ever, we owe it to ourselves to invest in the kind of connection that goes beyond the screen. Let’s stop mistaking engagement for intimacy. Let’s stop counting likes and start counting moments that actually matter.
We don’t need more followers. We need more people who’d notice if we disappeared from their world for a while – and miss us.
And that kind of connection? It’s built off-screen.
Em x
