There’s something freeing about reaching midlife. The expectations that once weighed us down start to feel … well … optional. Women, especially, spend decades trying to meet everyone else’s needs, smoothing out our rough edges, and making ourselves palatable. But now? Now is the time to hand ourselves a midlife permission slip – to live life on our own terms.
Remember those little paper permission slips from school? The ones that let you skip class for a special event or go on a field trip? Well, I am proposing a grown-up version – a permission slip to stop apologising, justifying, or contorting yourself to fit into spaces that no longer feel right.
It’s time to let go of the things you no longer owe anyone in midlife. Consider this your official pass to peace.
Your are hereby excused from the following:
An explanation for your life choices
Not everyone will understand why you changed careers, stayed single, left a marriage, chose not to have kids (or chose to have only one), or decided to take up Taekwondo at 40 (ahem!). And that’s fine – it’s not their life to understand.
I used to feel as though I had to explain even the most minor of decisions. Now if anyone dares to question, I just look them square in the eye until it’s uncomfortable. The beauty of midlife is knowing that your choices don’t require validation.
Youth and perfection
You are not required to fight ageing like it’s a battle to be won. Wrinkles, laugh lines, and grey hairs are not signs of failure; they’re proof that you’ve been here, that you’ve lived. Don’t let “society” dictate what you do. Wear your greys proudly – or dye your hair purple. Love your wrinkles or Botox your forehead (like I do). Either way, it’s your choice.
Embracing your evolving self is one of the greatest freedoms of midlife. After all, ageing is a gift that not all of us get to experience.
Constant availability
Just because someone texts you doesn’t mean you have to reply instantly. Just because someone invites you somewhere doesn’t mean you have to go.
Time is precious – at every stage of life. It’s our most valuable commodity and we never know how much we’re going to get. Your time is yours to allocate as you see fit. Protecting your time is one of the most important things you can do in midlife.
Emotional labour on demand
You’re not obligated to be the emotional sponge for everyone around you. You can be supportive without sacrificing yourself at the altar of other people’s comfort. Just because you’re capable of carrying other people’s emotional baggage, doesn’t mean you should. In midlife, learning to set boundaries around your emotional energy is key to preserving your wellbeing.
We spend years playing the role of the mediator, the peacemaker or the one who holds everything together, but we get to choose where your energy goes – and that includes stepping away from emotional burdens that were never ours to carry in the first place.
Tolerating toxicity
Whether it’s a one-sided friendship, a family member who drains your energy, or a workplace that makes you miserable – you don’t owe anyone your continued participation in something that diminishes you. One of the most powerful things you can do in midlife is walk away from what no longer serves you.
I don’t think I am overstating things when I say that this single action – even if you do nothing else – will CHANGE YOUR FREAKING LIFE!
I’m not even joking. If you have something (or someone) that dulls your light – cut it out of your life.
Making yourself smaller
Stop apologising for taking up space. Speak your mind, set boundaries, take the last slice of cake. You’ve spent enough time worrying about making others comfortable – midlife is your time to stand fully in who you are.
For years, I softened my voice in meetings, hesitated before speaking up, and doubted my own expertise – even when I knew my stuff. But in recent months, something has shifted. A mix of a supportive work environment and a mindset shift has helped me step into my power and own it. And let me tell you – it feels damn good. Owning your space, your knowledge, and your worth isn’t arrogance; it’s self-respect.
An official midlife permission slip
If you need it in writing, here it is:
I, [Insert Your Name Here], hereby give myself permission to live my life unapologetically. I will no longer shrink myself, justify my choices, or carry obligations that don’t belong to me. I will embrace my age, protect my time, and prioritise my joy. Signed, Me.
Your homework
Midlife isn’t about fading into the background – it’s about stepping fully into who you are. So, consider this your permission slip to do just that.
But a permission slip only works if you actually use it. So, here’s your homework:
Take inventory – Write down three ways you’re still seeking approval or carrying obligations that aren’t yours to bear. Be honest.
Make a “no more” list – For each one, decide how you’ll start letting it go. Will you stop explaining yourself? Set a boundary? Walk away?
Take one small step today – Whether it’s ignoring a text until you’re ready to reply, saying “no” without guilt, or standing firm in a decision – you get to start now.
Your midlife permission slip isn’t just words. It’s action. So go claim it.
Em x
