The self-care spectrum: from bubble baths to boundary setting

When someone says “self-care,” what comes to mind? A glass of wine in the bath? A face mask and candles? A blissful hour of Netflix where nobody asks you for a single thing? These moments are lovely – don’t get me wrong – but self-care is so much more than saying, “Alexa, play my ‘Chill Out’ playlist while I soak.” It’s also saying no, setting boundaries, and making decisions that feel about as fun as folding fitted sheets.

Welcome to the self-care spectrum, where indulgence meets practicality, and practicality occasionally morphs into tough love. Let’s break it down, one bubble bath at a time.

The pampering end: bubble baths and bliss

This is the part of the spectrum everyone loves. It’s the Instagram-worthy side of self-care – luxurious, indulgent, and oh-so-relaxing. We’re talking bath bombs that fizz like fireworks, chocolate that’s too fancy for the kids to steal, and a “do not disturb” sign hung proudly on your soul.

What it looks like:

• A long, hot bath with candles and a book.
• Indulging in a skincare routine that makes you feel pampered.
• Watching a feel-good movie with your favourite snacks.

Why it matters:

Sometimes, you just need a moment to escape, breathe, and remind yourself that life can be soft and sweet – like the bathrobe you never wear because it’s too “special.”

The reality check:

While pampering is delightful, it’s not going to fix the deeper stressors in your life. A bubble bath is lovely, but it won’t make Karen stop sending “urgent” emails at 10 p.m.

The practical middle ground: because someone has to adult

Moving along the spectrum, we land in the realm of practical self-care. This is the stuff that doesn’t make for glamorous Instagram posts but keeps your life from completely unraveling. Think meal prepping, cleaning out the fridge, or finally scheduling that dentist appointment you’ve been dodging like it’s jury duty.

What it looks like:

• Getting enough sleep so you don’t feel like a zombie.
• Prepping healthy meals to avoid the midweek “what’s for dinner?” panic.
• Decluttering your space for a clearer mind.

Why it matters:

These actions create a sense of stability and order. A clean kitchen counter or a good night’s sleep can work wonders for your mental health. It’s self-care that says, “I’ve got this,” even when you’re juggling ten different things.

The reality check:

It’s not glamorous, but it’s effective. It’s also the part of self-care where you might find yourself muttering, “Why didn’t anyone teach me this in school?”

The tough-love side: boundaries, baby

And now, we’ve reached the gritty, unfiltered corner of self-care. This is where the real work happens – the kind that doesn’t involve candles but might involve uncomfortable conversations.

What it looks like:

• Telling Karen you can’t chair another PTA committee because your calendar is a crime scene.
• Saying no to a friend’s invite because you’re too drained to be delightful.
• Recognising that “ghosting” doesn’t mean you don’t care – it means you’re preserving your energy.

Why it matters:

Tough-love self-care is about long-term well-being. It’s learning to value yourself enough to set boundaries and protect your peace. Sure, it’s awkward to say, “Actually, that doesn’t work for me,” but the relief you feel afterward? Priceless.

The reality check:

It’s hard, but it gets easier. And once you’ve mastered it, you’ll wonder why you ever let Karen’s emails ruin your evenings.

Finding your self-care balance

So, where do you land on the self-care spectrum? Most of us bounce between bubble baths and boundary setting, depending on the day (or the mood). The trick is figuring out what you need most in the moment and giving yourself permission to lean into it.

Here’s how to start:

• Check-In with Yourself: Are you frazzled, exhausted, or feeling neglected? The answer will guide your self-care choice.
• Start Small: Pick one thing – a face mask, a decluttered desk, or a boundary you’ve been avoiding – and do it. Celebrate the win.
• Mix It Up: Rotate between pampering, practical tasks, and tough-love actions to keep your self-care balanced and sustainable.

The takeaway

Self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all, and it’s not always pretty. It’s a spectrum that ranges from spa-like indulgence to downright bravery. The important thing is that you’re taking care of yourself in a way that feels authentic and meaningful.

So, light that candle, clean that fridge, or send Karen to voicemail. Whatever self-care looks like for you today, own it – and don’t let anyone tell you a bubble bath isn’t revolutionary.

What’s your go-to self-care move? Share your tips in the comments or subscribe to the blog for more sassy takes on midlife and beyond.

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