Welcome to midlife: Navigating the chaos of growing older

Five years ago, 40 hit me like a slap upside the head.

It’s not like I didn’t see it coming, but I seriously misjudged the speed at which it approached. I’d barely figured out how to adult (well, sort of) … and suddenly, I was turning 40? In the process, I managed to create my own personal psychological hang-up with the big FOUR-OH.

Or should that be the big FOUR-OH-EM-GEE? (Stop it.)

But, like the thumping headache that follows a sunny-day wine binge, midlife isn’t something you can just skip … unless, of course, you’re dead.

Despite my initial resistance, I don’t actually want to avoid midlife. Many people don’t make it this far, and it’s important to remember to be grateful for each day.

According to Google, midlife generally spans ages 40 to 65, though some experts say it starts at 40, others at 45. Personally, I’m going with 50.

Am not in denial … just selective about my facts.

A physical and emotional transition

“Turn thy thoughts now to the consideration of thy life, thy life as a child, as a youth, thy manhood, thy old age, for in these also every change was a death. Is this anything to fear?” – Marcus Aurelius

Getting older is a journey of physical and emotional change. Our bodies don’t quite work the way they used to. We feel it, but sometimes we don’t want to admit it.

Our bodies start doing weird things, like needing nine hours of sleep each night (plus naps on weekends), preferring walking over running, and firmly protesting even mildly late nights out. Meanwhile, our minds do their best to ignore these warnings, but eventually, we have to face it – we’re not as robust as we once were.

That’s the thing about midlife: we’re no longer young, but we’re not old either. We’re so … conflicted.

If we have kids, they help us feel younger. So do our interests. But we know we’re not “young” anymore. And yet we’re not “old.” That’s what our parents are, right?

Is Midlife a reverse puberty?

This weird stage of life can be confusing. We can’t fall back on the “folly of youth” or “old person’s rights” as an excuse for our behavior anymore.

Maybe that’s what sparks the notorious midlife crisis – a sudden, unsettling lack of confidence about who we are. It’s like puberty all over again.

As kids go through puberty, they start figuring out their place in the world, discovering what they want in life, who they are, and who they want to be. Maybe midlife is a bit like that too.

We’ve “grown up” – carved out our spot in life, gone after what we wanted, and settled into a comfortable sense of identity. And then, with one quick glance toward the future, we realize there’s far less of it than we used to think … and somehow, we still haven’t done that thing we always meant to do.

Uh-oh.

All of a sudden, we feel the ticking clock on those plans we had. And retirement? Still a far-off dream. Our working life stretches endlessly before us.

From where we stand, midlife sometimes seems like the worst of both worlds. We’re no longer the young, energetic go-getters we once were, yet there’s still a solid 20-30 years of work to go.

Would you like a side of crisis with that?

A midlife crisis doesn’t have to mean burning your life down and starting over, but even a mild one can be a jarring experience. Midlife anxiety shows up in different ways, but there are some common “tells” that hint you might be heading into your own version of it:

• You’re publicly analysing your life (say, in the form of a blog … ahem)
• There’s a sense of restlessness at work or at home (or both)
• You feel like you’ve lost your passion
• You’re convinced your best years are behind you
• Life feels like it’s stuck on autopilot

Finding calm in the chaos of midlife

I’m still figuring out how to handle this new stage of life, and what works for me might not work for everyone. But here’s what’s been helping:

Quiet reflection and alone time

Alone time has always been important to me, and now I try to make it productive. I tune into my feelings and try to pinpoint exactly what’s bothering me. Sometimes, the only way to “hear” ourselves is to step away from the daily noise.

Journaling (and/or blogging!)

Journaling and alone time go hand in hand. Even if nobody reads it (including me), writing things down helps me clarify my thoughts, process my feelings, and just clear the clutter out of my head. It’s wonderfully cathartic.

Blogging adds another layer. It gives me a creative outlet to work through my issues (of which I have many), while hopefully helping and inspiring others along the way.

Small joys

My husband and I love taking the dog to the beach – a much more pleasant task in summer, I tell you. While Luna chases seagulls and splashes in the water, we walk and talk about whatever comes to mind. Our chats are often about nothing important, but they’re crucial to our relationship. This ritual lets us reconnect in ways “regular life” doesn’t. Grounding us in a simple joy.

Midlife: A season that will pass

Midlife is a phase, a season in life. In the blink of an eye, it will shift into old age, bringing its own transitions. Each new stage brings a different focus, new lessons, and hidden gifts. The purpose of the journey through midlife is to unearth these gifts.

So here’s to savoring the hunt for treasures in the here and now.

How are you handling the chaos of midlife? Share your survival tips in the comments – because, let’s face it, we could all use a little help!

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