What I thought I needed (and what actually helped)

You know what’s exhausting?

Trying to fix your life with the very tools that are burning you out in the first place.

For a long time, I thought I just needed to get better at being better. If I could just wake up earlier. Be more consistent. Plan my time like a CEO with a personal assistant and no emotional baggage. Then I’d stop feeling like I was drowning in a life that looked perfectly fine on paper.

But I was wrong. Loud wrong.

What I thought I needed wasn’t actually helping me. What helped? Letting go of the stories that were running me ragged.

So here it is: the unlearning.

What I thought I needed: more discipline

What actually helped: Letting myself be a bloody human.

I thought the answer was structure. Routines. More lists. More willpower.
What I really needed was to admit that I wasn’t a machine. That skipping a workout didn’t mean I was lazy. That resting wasn’t failure.

I had to unlearn the idea that I had to earn my rest.

Hot tip: You don’t ever gave to earn rest. You’re allowed to rest just because you’re tired. Not because you finished everything. Not because you were “good today.” Just … because.

What I thought I needed: a better system

What actually helped: Self-compassion (and fewer colour-coded calendars).

I kept tweaking my systems, sure that the next app, method, or planner would save me.
But what I really needed was to stop believing that organisation was the cure for emotional burnout.

What helped? Saying no to things that drained me, even if they looked “productive.”
Also: accepting that sometimes the system was fine – I just needed space to fall apart a bit.

What I thought I needed: time alone

What actually helped: Boundaries that meant I wasn’t always the default parent, therapist, or emotional sponge.

I am yet to slay this dragon, but with each step I get closer.

Yes, time alone is glorious – but the real shift happens when I stop carrying everyone else’s shit.
When I let go of the belief that I must be on call 24/7 or everything would fall apart.
When I remember to ask myself: “Is this actually my responsibility?”

A bubble bath is lovely. But you know what’s better? Not being mentally responsible for 83 things while you’re in it.

What I thought I needed: a plan

What actually helped: Pausing mid-panic spiral and asking, “Who told me this is how I’m supposed to live?”

I chased plans because I thought they’d protect me from chaos. But chaos is part of life.
And no plan can make up for being completely disconnected from yourself.

What helped was sitting in the discomfort. Letting go of the need to perform competence.
Getting honest about what I wanted instead of what I was taught to want.

What I thought I needed: to be better

What actually helped: Liking myself as I am.

This one? Took time.

I was so convinced that self-acceptance was complacency – that if I let myself off the hook, I’d just give up.
But here’s the truth: the more I liked myself, the less I wanted to abandon myself.

I stopped hustling for approval I didn’t even believe in.
I started protecting my peace instead of my image.
I started choosing myself.

TL;DR?

I didn’t need to be better.
I needed to stop punishing myself for being human.

And if you’re somewhere in that unravelling stage – questioning everything, peeling off the “shoulds,” feeling a little naked and raw under the expectations you used to cling to.
You’re not failing. You’re just finally being honest.

And that? That’s where the good stuff starts.