Ah, midlife – the glorious chapter where we realise we don’t have the time, patience, or energy to sweat the small stuff. By “small stuff,” I mean everything that doesn’t spark joy or pay your bills. This is your guide to what not to care about after 40 – where we ditch the nonsense, embrace freedom, and maybe reclaim a few brain cells along the way.
Why letting go matters in midlife
Midlife is like a yard sale for your soul. All those things you’ve carried around for decades? The guilt, the worry, the unnecessary furniture (literal and emotional)? Time to mark them “free to a good home” and move on.
Knowing what not to care about after 40 doesn’t just clear space in your closet; it clears space in your mind for what really matters.
1. What people think
Newsflash: Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. Some people won’t vibe with your personality, your choices, or the way you pronounce “almond” (for the record, you’re saying it correctly). But the liberating truth is that their opinions don’t pay your bills, raise your kids, or keep your wine fridge stocked.
Trying to win everyone’s approval is like trying to nail jelly to a wall – it’s messy, pointless, and will leave you exhausted. Instead, focus on living authentically. The people who truly matter – the ones who love you for your quirks, flaws, and uncanny ability to recite 90s TV theme songs – will stick around.
Midlife is about shifting your focus inward. Care about what you think. Do your choices align with your values? Are you living a life that feels true to you? If the answer is yes, then you’re doing great. Let everyone else’s opinions swirl into the void, where they belong.
2. Past failures
Ah, the greatest hits of 3 a.m. overthinking: that awkward joke you made at the office party in 2007, the time you applied for a job you weren’t remotely qualified for, or that short-lived obsession with bangs (we don’t talk about the bangs). Past failures have a sneaky way of creeping back into our minds, demanding airtime like a bad reality show.
But here’s the thing: midlife is about growth, not guilt. And knowing what not to care about after 40 includes waving goodbye to the ghosts of embarrassment past. Failures are just evidence that you tried – they don’t define you. You put yourself out there, took a risk, and, sure, maybe it didn’t pan out, but that’s life. Each misstep taught you something, whether it was resilience, humility, or the understanding that dying your hair red was never going to work for you.
Carrying those memories into your midlife? That’s like hauling around a suitcase full of broken souvenirs. Sure, they’re from your journey, but they’re weighing you down. Let them go. Midlife is about growth, not guilt.
It’s time to embrace your highlight reel – the moments of courage, resilience, and badassery that got you here. Failures don’t define you; they refine you. So, wave goodbye to the ghosts of embarrassment past and step into the present, wiser and far more interesting for the journey.
3. Other people’s choices
Your neighbour just painted their house an alarming shade of neon orange. Your coworker is dating someone who might be the human embodiment of a red flag. And your friend announced yet another “life-changing” cleanse that involves celery juice and prayers to the moon. Guess what? None of it is your problem.
Midlife is a time to put down the binoculars and stop peering into other people’s lives. It’s not that you don’t care – it’s that you’ve learned your energy is finite, and it’s best spent elsewhere. The choices others make are theirs to own, just as yours are yours.
Instead of getting bogged down by what everyone else is doing, focus on the only person you can control: yourself. Use that energy to pursue your goals, nurture your relationships, or finally finish that DIY project you started three years ago. Let the world do its thing while you do yours – preferably with less stress and more joy.
4. The need to be right
Oh, the sweet satisfaction of being right – it’s a heady cocktail, isn’t it? But let’s be honest: how often has insisting on your rightness led to anything but awkward silence, eye-rolls, or unnecessary tension?
Midlife wisdom says: let it go. The need to be right can cost you peace, relationships, and even your sanity. Does it really matter if your partner loads the dishwasher “wrong” or your friend insists pineapple belongs on pizza? (It doesn’t, but still.)
Being right isn’t as important as being kind, flexible, and open-minded. When you let go of this need, you’ll find that most arguments aren’t worth the emotional energy. Plus, here’s a fun secret: sometimes when you let others “win,” you end up winning, too – peace of mind, stronger relationships, and way fewer petty debates over trivial nonsense.
5. External validation
Remember the thrill of getting a gold star in school or that fleeting high from someone liking your Instagram post? Chasing external validation can feel rewarding – until it doesn’t. The truth is, depending on others to affirm your worth is like drinking salt water when you’re thirsty – it’ll never truly satisfy you.
Midlife is the perfect time to shift the focus inward. Real validation comes from knowing your value and owning your strengths, no applause needed. Sure, it’s nice when someone says, “You look amazing!” But wouldn’t it feel even better to look in the mirror and think, Damn, I’m fabulous, without waiting for anyone else to agree?
Letting go of external validation doesn’t mean you stop caring – it means you start prioritising your opinion of yourself. And spoiler alert: you’re doing a lot better than you give yourself credit for.
So, what should you care about in midlife?
Letting go of all the stuff that doesn’t matter opens up a beautiful, spacious world for what does:
- Spending time with people who make you laugh until your stomach hurts.
- Pursuing hobbies and passions that light you up inside.
- Showing up for yourself with the same love and kindness you show everyone else.
- And yes, binge-watching your favourite Netflix show guilt-free, because balance is the spice of midlife.
What will you let go of today?
Now it’s your turn. What’s on your “don’t care about” list after 40? Share your unburdening wisdom in the comments! Or, subscribe to the blog for more brutally honest takes on what not to care about after 40 and beyond. Here’s to unburdening and living life on your terms.
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