There are, believe it or not, times when people don’t like you – and yes, I’ve discovered it happens to me too.
“What?” I hear you say. “Surely not!”
I know! But it’s true. And I’m just as confused as you are.
I’m generally a nice person. I say please and thank you. I laugh at people’s jokes. I even hold doors open and let other drivers merge like some kind of traffic saint.
But still – some people? Not fans.
And even though I know not everyone’s going to like me (I’ve got the Instagram quotes to prove it), I don’t like not being liked. I wish I were cool enough to shrug it off like a breezy little leaf on the wind … but I’m not there yet.
It bothers me. A lot.
Why it stings when people don’t like you
When someone doesn’t like you – and especially when they show it – it can hit somewhere deep.
Not just in the “ugh, that was rude” kind of way, but in the “wait … am I fundamentally flawed?” kind of way.
Part of that’s just being human. We’re wired for belonging.
And part of it is how many of us – especially women – were taught to keep the peace, smooth the edges, and be “nice” at all costs.
And sometimes, it’s not even that they don’t like you. It’s what you represent. It’s the situation, not the person.
Maybe you’re the newbie in the group. Maybe you come from a different background. Maybe you accidentally poke at their insecurity. Or maybe (and this one’s always fun) they think you’re a threat.
Whatever the reason, it still stings. And keeping that top of mind doesn’t stop the feelings – but it does help soften the sting when it hits you in the feels.
I wish I were at the “well, that’s their problem, not mine” stage. But truthfully? I’ve still got work to do.
I don’t want everyone to love me. Just … the ones I choose.
When being liked gets in the way
Here’s the thing: the more I chase being liked, the more I shrink.
I soften my voice. I second-guess my opinions. I downplay my wins. I tell the “safe” version of the story.
And it’s sneaky, because it feels like being kind. But often? It’s just being quiet.
And I’ve worked too hard to get to know the real me – playful, passionate, sometimes a bit much – to go back to trying to be palatable to everyone.
The truth is, if everyone likes you, you’ve probably become a bit … bland. And I didn’t come this far to be beige.
And the irony? You could have 99 people adore you and one who doesn’t – and guess where all your focus goes? Yep. Straight to that one solitary soul who clearly has no taste.
And honestly? Most of the people who don’t like me? I don’t particularly like them either. So why would I chase their acceptance like a Labrador with a tennis ball?
Learning to lean into it
So I’m trying something new.
I’m learning to let the discomfort of being disliked sit next to me without driving the car.
I’m reminding myself that someone else’s disapproval isn’t a verdict – it’s just a sign I’m not their cup of tea. (I’m probably a strong flat white anyway.)
I want to be real more than I want to be liked. And sure, ideally I’d be both. But if I have to choose, I know which one leads to the life I actually want.
Not everyone’s going to get me. That doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong.
It might actually mean I’m doing it for real.
A small step for today
Today, I’m letting one imaginary hater roll off my back.
I’m resisting the urge to explain myself to someone who isn’t asking.
I’m deciding that I like me enough to offset the critics.
And I’m sending a quiet, grateful nod to the people who do like me – awkward charm, constant Dad jokes, loud laugh and all.
Because they’re my people.
And honestly? I like their taste.
Em x
